without red ...

... I feel naked.  Red is my favourite colour to the point that students at school comment if I'm NOT wearing something red. I never thought of it becoming a 'thing' for me.  I just seemed to develop, over the past year and a half, a large selection of red clothes, shoes and accessories.

However it now seems that there is something in my life lacking in something essential that's red; blood cells.  I found out last week that I'm anaemic (stop reading now if you don't want to know any more about my health situation!).  For about 5 months I've been having a period every other week, and rather heavy ones.  Because I've been so busy; first with my dad, then the move, then the threat of Ofsted, I kind of just got on with it all.  Thinking that it would stop or I'd go to the doctors when I had time.  But I never did.  All the time I was finding myself sleeping for most of the weekend.  Falling asleep as soon as I got in from work.  Feeling low, 'peaky' and having NO energy.  Again, I put this down to everything that's been going on.

I'm naturally very pale; but I realised something was up when people were commenting on how pale I was!  Apparently I was so pale I was looking almost green.  My eyes were sunken and I couldn't feel any sort of energy for anything.

Thankfully last week I decided enough was enough.  I hightailed it to the doctor who commented on how pale I looked (!) and prescribed me high doses of iron tablets.  She's also put me in for an ultrasound and blood tests to find out why I'm having so many periods.

I am starting to feel a bit better.  Within two days I had people saying that I was looking much brighter and perkier (none of them knew about my 'problems') and apparently I don't look like Casper the Friendly Ghost any more.  I'm still really tired and spent most of the weekend asleep or slobbing on the sofa, however, I'm allowing myself to do this.  I'm not pushing myself.  Now that I know I'm anaemic and it's going to take some time to build myself up again, I'm not going to punish myself for constantly being tired.  I'm just going to give into it and hope that I eventually get some red blood cells in my system and get back to the Polly of old.  And before anyone says it ... I'm not going to have a good large steak!  I'm just going to have to nibble on spinach leaves and broccoli!

4am watching Bill O'Reilly

Yes, I watch Bill O'Reilly AND Hannity.

It's true ... I watch Fox News because it is just so amazingly appalling.  I know I'm British but I have an unhealthy interest in US politics, well probably not unhealthy, it's a healthy recognition that the USA unfortunately impacts my life on this tiny island way too much.

Thankfully this week is almost over - yesterday was strange.  My boss was off with a crooked back and when he's been off before I've heard nothing from senior management.  It's just been accepted that I'll step up.  However yesterday I got an email from our line manager copied to the headteacher that I'll be 'deputising'.  And yesterday at least three other members of staff asked if I'll be 'stepping up' when he leaves.  ACK.  I've NEVER wanted to be the head of a department - ever.  I really enjoy teaching, I don't enjoy all the paper work and other shite that goes with the job.  However, there is part of me that thinks I should give this a go.  This is what has woken me up at 4am.

Well I'm a bit crap aren't I?

but I have an excuse ... I do really.
We've got the 'Ofsted threat' hanging over us, it's been going on since the end of September so the rounds of observations and 'learning walks' has been non-stop.  Constant data checks, paper work checks, blah blah blah.  I've been leaving for work at 5:45am and getting home around 6:30pm every day - so as you can imagine. I've been a tad exhausted.  So exhausted in fact that I came down with something rather nasty.  I tried to go back to work yesterday however my doctor had signed me off for a week so they sent me home again - grrrrr.  I feel fine so now I'm in bed listening to comedy on Radio 4 (iPlayer catchup) and thinking about getting up.

It looks like a beautiful day outside ...

So what's been going on? Not much apart from work to be honest.  We've dealt with a postage thief as we weren't getting any of our mail which was frustrating beyond belief.

I've started filling one of the bathrooms with my strange collection of photographs that I've found on Deptford Market.

Not very interesting is it?  I'll sort myself out and try to post more - I need to go back to having a life.  I don't think Ofsted are turning up this half term and I need to start sorting out my secondhand/ hand made Winter Solstice ;)

Today I am ...

LISTENING: To Feast of Hammers (advanced copy) by Birdeatsbaby - they're playing tonight in London but I can't see them because I'm not well enough.  However after the gig they're staying with us for the weekend as they're filming their video at Mr BL's workplace :)

half term at last ...

... and it's already Tuesday! 
This past term has been a slog - hence no blogging.  My summer holiday, being virtually devoid of relaxation, has meant that I have spent the past 6 weeks of the past half term I have been metaphorically climbing a mountain.  We've had the sword of  Damacles Ofsted hanging over our heads and the pressure, intensity and stress has been increasing with each passing day.  Weekends have been spent collapsing in a heap on the sofa and not moving apart from to demand a cup of tea or a couple of biscuits as I tap away creating lesson plan after lesson plan.  Still, it has paid off.  Last week I had an observation and received an OUTSTANDING!  It's strange how happy this makes me.  I'm such a kid at heart - I don't like to just know I'm doing well in my job - I'm conditioned to want to know HOW well I'm doing.  Outstanding isn't easy to get, especially with a class who are ALL EAL (English as Additional Language) and NO teaching assistant in the room.  I must admit I was very very chuffed with myself.
So this all bodes well for the future.  My boss's gf (who is head of another department at the school) is leaving at Christmas and moving away from London - he's obviously going to be following her at some point.  He said he won't until the Summer however I'm sure he'll leave at Easter if he can.  As there are only two of us in the department I'm going to go for the role as HoD.  Which means MORE work - but I guess I should show some sort of ambition.
We shall see - but as you can see - my life is currently being ruled by my job ... YAWN.
I did manage to photograph a couple of things this past few weeks:

Alexander Wolfe 

I love Alex - he's such a humble person and such an amazing performer.  B designed the stage and lighting for this gig and did Alexander proud - it was such a beautiful evening.
I also did a photoshoot for Birdeatsbaby:

I'm not very good at photoshoots - I get panicked because I'm the one in charge of the lighting - unlike a gig where I can always blame the lighting! ha ha - however - they seemed to like the photos.

Hopefully I'll get my shit together this week and manage to actually come round and see you all - hopefully.  I haven't even had time to go to the post office and pick up parcels that are sitting there waiting for me - arghhhhhhhh.

and breathe ... albeit with a wheeze

Hello!  Well - where do I start? 

At the end of the summer hols my dad went in for his bronchoscopy (sp?) - as I picked up my nephew from the station my sister got the text - it was BENIGN :)  honestly - it just didn't sink in for days.  After waking every morning worrying about my father, nightmares, stress, depression - all of that weight and worry dropped off.  I woke the next morning with the word 'benign' simply echoing through my brain.

Then - I had my nephew stay with me for 3 days - he didn't know what was going on or why my sister and I had burst into tears at the station and started hugging each other insanely.  I think he's guessed, he's far from stupid, however the poor little love had to put up with my mood swings (from no sleep and stress about the move) and migraines.

We then moved - two days of lugging stuff down 3 flights of stairs then lugging up 4 flights of stairs.  I'm so lucky that B's a theatre tech and we have theatre techs for friends.  They're used to lugging and packing vans.  When we next move we are getting movers in - but hopefully that won't happen for a while!  The flat is coming on lovely.

I've been back to work 2 1/2 weeks and I'm off sick.  I have a stonking chest and sinus infection and am on sh!t-hot anti-biotics; 500mg 3 times a day and steroids.  Yesterday work phoned and said that I've got a meeting with the Head next week.  Seriously - I hoped I wouldn't be sick this year and now I am, and I'm so angry.  I need to be in my classes, teaching my students, helping them progress.  And now I have more stress about my job.  I think everything has just gotten on top of me and my body is making me flop - WHY NOW? Why not wait for half term?

But enough of whinging.  My dad is well and the tumor is BENIGN :) The flat is awesome and can't wait to post photos.  I have a job (for now).  Things are good :)

I'm now going to come around and see you all xxxxx

ps: while I've been trying to deal with things and get better I've done a bit more 'doodling' on ceramics:

All are available on etsy here - I did sell the teapot but then the woman messed me around severely so it's now relisted.  I've got to go and get some more meds today so I'm hoping I've got enough energy to go to a charity shop and get some more bits to draw on.  However walking from the car to the docs to Boots yesterday knackered me out.