So yesterday I was all raring to go - I thought that I was starting to pull myself out of the quagmire that had been the past month or so - then our phone rang.
A shadow has been found on my father's lung. He's a life-time smoker.
B and I will have to drive him to his hospital appointment on his 70th birthday from our family holiday in Kent. We had booked a week away with my mum, dad, sister and nephew and now one day's going to be spent in a hospital. I tried to talk to my sister yesterday and she was just so unreasonable. She thinks they're being selfish wanting to go to the appointment. That leaving it another week won't make any difference. I tried to make her understand that they're scared.
I'm petrified. I know it could be pneumonia - he's had a chest infection recently. However, with his history I can't help worrying. It's not just that, it's my parents, they're obviously scared. My sister isn't helping (she used to be a nurse - she's not got the best 'bedside manner') and I feel selfish being here in London trying to sort the move out while they're worrying back in Ipswich with just my sister there.
Part of me is feeling selfish - why now? I was hoping for a week away from the stress of moving. But now we're going to be driving for 8 hours back and forth to Suffolk. And I hate myself for being selfish. I just want a break. I can't sleep properly, I feel sick and I just want to hold my dad and tell him that everything's going to be alright.
Sorry - I'm back and miserable - but I needed to just get this written down.