Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away ...

So yesterday I was all raring to go - I thought that I was starting to pull myself out of the quagmire that had been the past month or so - then our phone rang.

A shadow has been found on my father's lung.  He's a life-time smoker. 

B and I will have to drive him to his hospital appointment on his 70th birthday from our family holiday in Kent.  We had booked a week away with my mum, dad, sister and nephew and now one day's going to be spent in a hospital.  I tried to talk to my sister yesterday and she was just so unreasonable.  She thinks they're being selfish wanting to go to the appointment.  That leaving it another week won't make any difference.  I tried to make her understand that they're scared.

I'm petrified.  I know it could be pneumonia - he's had a chest infection recently.  However, with his history I can't help worrying.  It's not just that, it's my parents, they're obviously scared.  My sister isn't helping (she used to be a nurse - she's not got the best 'bedside manner') and I feel selfish being here in London trying to sort the move out while they're worrying back in Ipswich with just my sister there.

Part of me is feeling selfish - why now?  I was hoping for a week away from the stress of moving.  But now we're going to be driving for 8 hours back and forth to Suffolk.  And I hate myself for being selfish.  I just want a break.  I can't sleep properly, I feel sick and I just want to hold my dad and tell him that everything's going to be alright.

Sorry - I'm back and miserable - but I needed to just get this written down.


  1. Oh I'm sorry Polly, just sent you an email and then saw this. I don't know why everything comes at once, but that seems to be the way of the world. I don't think you're being selfish, of course you'd rather not have to do this, who would? But obviously your dad needs to be assessed straight away, and I'm surprised you sister can't understand why they're so worried. Besides, none of you are going to be enjoying the break with the unknown hanging over you. Far better to have the appointment and know, then decide on what happens next, armed with the facts. I hope it does turn out to be nothing too serious. x

  2. I'm so sorry to read your news Polly...how very frightening for your Dad and Mum (and on his birthday too!)and you. Hang in there, try and stay positive (I know this is not easy) and don't let your sister get to you (also not easy)
    I'm thinking of you and sending lot's of positive vibes (yuk. hate that word, but you know what I mean...) all the way from Australia x

  3. I'm really sorry. I hope for the best for you.

    It wouldn't fix anything of course but it might cheer you for a moment - if you email me your posting address, I have that package from the Charity Swap..?

    claire [at] illustratorclaire.co.uk


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