the day you realise that work is not the be all and end all ...

... I've been so tied up with work recently that I've hardly had a social life.  Friends and family have come second to work, work, work. Yesterday I had a wake-up call.

A very close friend messaged me on FB to tell me that a mutual friend, who was in hospital for an operation, had a complication and we nearly lost her on Monday.  I hadn't even gone to see her after her operation.  I felt terrible.  Yesterday I hi-tailed it, after work, to the Royal National Orthopedic Hospital with a bag of goodies.  She was on the HDU, seeing her so drained really really brought it home to me that work is not the be all and end all of my life.  She's always had troubles with her knee and has had numerous operations.  She's been pulled, prodded and poked for all of her life.  Then they discovered cancer in the bone in her knee - she was actually really happy about it because it meant that they had finally discovered what was wrong and that it could be taken out and the new bionic knee put in.  It should have been a routine operation.  However the cancer had spread to her artery in her leg and was strangling it.  The artery was clipped off and then it basically exploded, nearly killing her. 

On a more personal note, I went to the doctors on Monday.  This is the 5th month that I've had a period every other week, but again, I've been a tad on the busy side and just kept thinking that my body would sort itself out eventually.  However it has now resulted in me being highly anemic.  I thought I was just tired all the time because of work, but now my lack of energy and enthusiasm for anything is at least explained by the lack of iron in my system!  I've got to go for blood tests and an ultra sound to see what's wrong with my body - the doctor even hinted at an early menopause.  I'm only 38!  I can't be going through  my menopause now!

You know how earlier - I was saying that some things are more important than work?  Well, I'm not having my blood test until a week on Monday.  Because I don't want to miss school! I'm an idiot aren't I?

 Well, 4 more days left of work.  We have a half day on Monday and the school closes to the kids on Friday - we have 1 1/2 days of Inset to prepare for the new Ofsted procedures. I don't think I've looked forward to a holiday more than this one. 

I'll try to be a bit perkier on my next post!

I am the only person in the world I should like to know thoroughly.

However I do like being nosy - and I'm sure Mr Wilde did too (for the title is a quote from the ever quotable Mr Wilde)

This is me me me me me ... I saw this on Lakota's awesome blog and thought at this ridiculous early hour of the morning I would indulge my obsession with myself! 

Age:

Ahhh start with a good one eh?  38 unfortunately.  Somedays I look beyond 40, others I get ID'd in Wales to buy tobacco - TWICE! No joke.  B, who is 5 years younger than me, could buy it ... I couldn't :( So ridiculous. I guess I should have been flattered but I KNOW I don't look 17!

my family had strange living habits

This photo really looks like I bloody love myself!

B-Bed size:

eh?  Weird one. It's a double - hand made by B out of scaffolding poles and as hench as a hench thing. 

C-Chore that you hate:

Hoovering - I hate hoovering.  It makes me wheezy and we haven't got a very good hoover and a high pile rug which makes hoovering a nightmare.  Can't wait to get a Henry.

D-Dogs:

I was brought up with a beautiful Boxer dog called Amber.  She died of throat cancer (she should have given up that 20 Woodbines a day habit) and broke my heart.  We then had a crazy Jack Russell called Clyde (the cat was called Bonnie! - I wanted to name then Morten and Mags - no prizes for guessing which Scandinavian popular rock combo I loved in the 90s).  If I could have a dog it would most definitely be a mutt, discarded and unloved by another.  Although Huskys ARE adorable (but mad - B has a great story about a friend's husky jumping over his owner's back fence and killing the nearest poodle).

E-Essential start to your day:

Used to be a couple of rollies (licorice papers) and a coffee.  Now I am no longer a smoker and am trying to cut down on caffeine it's a Berocca multi-vit effervescent drinkie.

F-Favourite Colour:

Black and red.  Our palette is very 'white stripes' stylee - I'm well know by students in the school who are not taught by me that I'm the teacher who always wears red and black.  It was never planned however it just developed that way before I even noticed.

G-Gold or silver:

Silver silver silver - can't do gold - I'm too pale it looks weird on me.

H-Height:

5'5"

I-Instruments you play:

The pink oboe - sorry - couldn't resist.  As a child I played the keyboard (self-taught), guitar and flute.  I can still play a mean version of The Entertainer on the recorder!  However I have no musical bones and leave that to the boy!

J-Job title:

Teacher.

K-Kids:

None.  I've never wanted children - despite absolutely adoring them; my nephew is the most important person in my life.  I have my friends' children around and my second-cousins to wear me out when I need it! However the thought of my own doesn't appeal.  Sometimes I get broody and the thought that someone will never call me 'mum' does make tears leap to my eyes - however - that's not a reason to have a child. And I don't need to hear 'oh you might change your mind, you've still got time' - yes I know I might, and yes I do, but I'm old enough and ugly enough to know when I've made a decision.

L-Live:

Sarf-East Landan

M-Mother's name:

Shirley - crazy woman, cake baker extraordinaire, hoarder and my mum.  (photo of my mum, me (not wearing red for once), my big sis and my nephew)

 

N- Nickname

Polstar, Pogs, Pol

O-Overnight hospital stays:

Loads - loads and loads.  The worst was when I had to be resuscitated after an asthma attack.  Dying was interesting!

P-Pet peeves:

Oh god - I'm such a grumpy old woman I have too many.  Like Lakota I hate people who use apostrophes incorrectly; I'm a total grammar Nazi.  Incorrect spellings of homophones like their/ they're and there, or you're / your - grrrrr.  However I do expect the apostrophe and these common homophones to eventually disappear from our vernacular!  I absolutely DESPISE poor customer service - I unleash my middle-class rage on anyone who dares to give me bad customer service!  I worked in shops all through University and for a few years afterwards and I was never rude to a customer.  Along the same line, I hate shop assistants who have those stupidly long nails.  I always end up putting as much change as flat on the counter as possible just to see them try and pick them up.  They remind me of cats bemoaning the fact that they don't have posable thumbs.

Also - I hate evangelical Christians who harrass me along the streets - who try to convert me by telling me incorrect information from the Bible.  I'm convinced that most atheists know the Bible better than most Christians.  I have the upmost respect for peoples' religious beliefs, seriously, I think faith is an amazing thing, however I can't stand organised religion and people who are ill-informed about the religion they're trying to enforce upon me (and yes - they have tried to enforce it upon me by following me down the road and shouting irrelevant Bible verses at me and shouting, in public, that they will pray for my soul). 

One more - you may have gathered from above - I also hate people who think that I will change my mind about having children.  I might - but that's not for you to say - but at the age of 38 I think I'm pretty much set in my ways.

Q-Quote from a film:

I'm consistently quoting from films, so much so that the phrases have sneaked into my everyday speech.

As teens we were obsessed with John Hughes films:

"You're nothing but a neomaxizoomdweebie."

The Breakfast Club

 

"I'm off like a dirty shirt."

Pretty In Pink

 

" I feel like a pig shat in my head. "

Withnail & I 

 

I think the worst thing is that I have integrated a lot of film quotes so much into my everyday life that I can't remember which are quotes and which aren't.

 

R-Right or left handed:

Right

S-Siblings:

Older sister, T, she's a mum of one and a step-mum of 3.  We've had our ups and downs but have grown closer in the past couple of years.

T-Time you wake up:

At the moment 2:30am.  Usually 5:30 for work.

U-Underwear:

Erm, yes.  I wear it.

V-Vegetable you hate:

Depends on how it's prepared but I generally love all veg.

W-What makes you run late:

Loss of travel card, keys, sunglasses/ umbrella, generally being unorganised.  However, I have only ever been late a couple of times in my life, I really don't like tardiness! ha ha

X-X rays you've had:

YAWN - chest, broken rib, broken wrist, broken ankle, teeth.

Y-Yummy food that you make:
Not the greatest cook in the world - I do make a lovely vegetarian chilli.

Z-Zoo animal:

Depends on the zoo!  Any sort of ape or primate usually does it for me.

Wow - don't you feel like you know me SO much better?

On another note expect an update later today.  My Bind-It-All should be arriving at some point today so there will be lots of shouting and hollaring as I try and bind random shizzle together in a binding frenzy.

and breathe ... albeit with a wheeze

Hello!  Well - where do I start? 

At the end of the summer hols my dad went in for his bronchoscopy (sp?) - as I picked up my nephew from the station my sister got the text - it was BENIGN :)  honestly - it just didn't sink in for days.  After waking every morning worrying about my father, nightmares, stress, depression - all of that weight and worry dropped off.  I woke the next morning with the word 'benign' simply echoing through my brain.

Then - I had my nephew stay with me for 3 days - he didn't know what was going on or why my sister and I had burst into tears at the station and started hugging each other insanely.  I think he's guessed, he's far from stupid, however the poor little love had to put up with my mood swings (from no sleep and stress about the move) and migraines.

We then moved - two days of lugging stuff down 3 flights of stairs then lugging up 4 flights of stairs.  I'm so lucky that B's a theatre tech and we have theatre techs for friends.  They're used to lugging and packing vans.  When we next move we are getting movers in - but hopefully that won't happen for a while!  The flat is coming on lovely.

I've been back to work 2 1/2 weeks and I'm off sick.  I have a stonking chest and sinus infection and am on sh!t-hot anti-biotics; 500mg 3 times a day and steroids.  Yesterday work phoned and said that I've got a meeting with the Head next week.  Seriously - I hoped I wouldn't be sick this year and now I am, and I'm so angry.  I need to be in my classes, teaching my students, helping them progress.  And now I have more stress about my job.  I think everything has just gotten on top of me and my body is making me flop - WHY NOW? Why not wait for half term?

But enough of whinging.  My dad is well and the tumor is BENIGN :) The flat is awesome and can't wait to post photos.  I have a job (for now).  Things are good :)

I'm now going to come around and see you all xxxxx

ps: while I've been trying to deal with things and get better I've done a bit more 'doodling' on ceramics:

All are available on etsy here - I did sell the teapot but then the woman messed me around severely so it's now relisted.  I've got to go and get some more meds today so I'm hoping I've got enough energy to go to a charity shop and get some more bits to draw on.  However walking from the car to the docs to Boots yesterday knackered me out.

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away ...

So yesterday I was all raring to go - I thought that I was starting to pull myself out of the quagmire that had been the past month or so - then our phone rang.

A shadow has been found on my father's lung.  He's a life-time smoker. 

B and I will have to drive him to his hospital appointment on his 70th birthday from our family holiday in Kent.  We had booked a week away with my mum, dad, sister and nephew and now one day's going to be spent in a hospital.  I tried to talk to my sister yesterday and she was just so unreasonable.  She thinks they're being selfish wanting to go to the appointment.  That leaving it another week won't make any difference.  I tried to make her understand that they're scared.

I'm petrified.  I know it could be pneumonia - he's had a chest infection recently.  However, with his history I can't help worrying.  It's not just that, it's my parents, they're obviously scared.  My sister isn't helping (she used to be a nurse - she's not got the best 'bedside manner') and I feel selfish being here in London trying to sort the move out while they're worrying back in Ipswich with just my sister there.

Part of me is feeling selfish - why now?  I was hoping for a week away from the stress of moving.  But now we're going to be driving for 8 hours back and forth to Suffolk.  And I hate myself for being selfish.  I just want a break.  I can't sleep properly, I feel sick and I just want to hold my dad and tell him that everything's going to be alright.

Sorry - I'm back and miserable - but I needed to just get this written down.